You Belong

Have you ever had the right message appear at exactly the right time?  That happened to me on a group training run for the Pittsburgh half.

It was the second week of our training and the longest run we had done so far.  For me, it was the longest mileage that I've done as part of a training program and the most I've done since November.  Eight miles.  It is crazy to think that at this time last year even three miles seemed far.  But anyway, leading up to that day (and actually, quite often) I was feeling completely inadequate as a runner.  I've been at this almost a year now and I'm still slow as heck.  My pace is gradually improving, but I constantly question my ability to be able to run the half marathon and also to consider myself a runner.

I was feeling pretty defeated.  We were only a few miles in and everyone had flown past me and was a decent distance ahead.  I'm used to being at the back of the pack, but often I can run with people for at least a little bit.  I started to question what I was doing there.  Should I really be in a half marathon training program?  Did I make the right decision?  Will I be good enough by May?  Would anyone even notice if I just turned around and went back to my car?  Would anyone notice if I just never came back?  I wish I could say my brain didn't go that negative (especially so early in the run) but sadly, it did.  I've come so far in increasing my level of self confidence and self esteem, but this training has been a real challenge mentally and physically. 

But then, right there in brilliant, colorful display was the exact sign I needed at the exact moment I needed it.  YOU BELONG.  It was as if God had heard my doubts and wanted to give me the mental boost I needed to persist through the rest of the miles.  I have no idea what the actual intent of the sign is (or what type of building it was on) but it actually made me tear up.  I may have been struggling and I will likely continue to struggle along this journey, but there is no doubt.  I belong.  I belong in this half marathon training program.  I belong in this amazing group of runners.  And, more bigger picture, but I belong in my current state in life as a (mostly) stay at home mom to my adorable toddler twins. 

Today I used intervals to run the March Mad Dash at North Park.  It was five miles.  They also had a 5k and 10 mile option.  Those same doubts began to creep into my head today.  Especially when I arrived at the 5k turnaround and realized I was basically the only one not turning around.  It meant that, once again, I was the absolute back of the pack and was running by myself.  When the doubt started to creep in this time, though, I thought back to my sign from a few weeks earlier.  You belong.  I belonged there just as much as the people who were running 7 minute miles.  The funny thing is that I had that thought right as the 7 minute mile pacers for the ten mile race passed me.  Instead of feeling defeated that they were lapping me, I felt energized reminding myself that I belonged.  It helped that every one of them that passed me was super encouraging and inspiring.


I may struggle mentally and physically along this training journey, but throughout it all, I will remember those two important words.  I belong.