You Belong

Have you ever had the right message appear at exactly the right time?  That happened to me on a group training run for the Pittsburgh half.

It was the second week of our training and the longest run we had done so far.  For me, it was the longest mileage that I've done as part of a training program and the most I've done since November.  Eight miles.  It is crazy to think that at this time last year even three miles seemed far.  But anyway, leading up to that day (and actually, quite often) I was feeling completely inadequate as a runner.  I've been at this almost a year now and I'm still slow as heck.  My pace is gradually improving, but I constantly question my ability to be able to run the half marathon and also to consider myself a runner.

I was feeling pretty defeated.  We were only a few miles in and everyone had flown past me and was a decent distance ahead.  I'm used to being at the back of the pack, but often I can run with people for at least a little bit.  I started to question what I was doing there.  Should I really be in a half marathon training program?  Did I make the right decision?  Will I be good enough by May?  Would anyone even notice if I just turned around and went back to my car?  Would anyone notice if I just never came back?  I wish I could say my brain didn't go that negative (especially so early in the run) but sadly, it did.  I've come so far in increasing my level of self confidence and self esteem, but this training has been a real challenge mentally and physically. 

But then, right there in brilliant, colorful display was the exact sign I needed at the exact moment I needed it.  YOU BELONG.  It was as if God had heard my doubts and wanted to give me the mental boost I needed to persist through the rest of the miles.  I have no idea what the actual intent of the sign is (or what type of building it was on) but it actually made me tear up.  I may have been struggling and I will likely continue to struggle along this journey, but there is no doubt.  I belong.  I belong in this half marathon training program.  I belong in this amazing group of runners.  And, more bigger picture, but I belong in my current state in life as a (mostly) stay at home mom to my adorable toddler twins. 

Today I used intervals to run the March Mad Dash at North Park.  It was five miles.  They also had a 5k and 10 mile option.  Those same doubts began to creep into my head today.  Especially when I arrived at the 5k turnaround and realized I was basically the only one not turning around.  It meant that, once again, I was the absolute back of the pack and was running by myself.  When the doubt started to creep in this time, though, I thought back to my sign from a few weeks earlier.  You belong.  I belonged there just as much as the people who were running 7 minute miles.  The funny thing is that I had that thought right as the 7 minute mile pacers for the ten mile race passed me.  Instead of feeling defeated that they were lapping me, I felt energized reminding myself that I belonged.  It helped that every one of them that passed me was super encouraging and inspiring.


I may struggle mentally and physically along this training journey, but throughout it all, I will remember those two important words.  I belong.

My first race of 2018

I've been seriously neglecting actually posting on my blog, but I have a few things I wanted to write about, so I figured I should get to it.  I actually started this post the day of the race but for probably a variety of stupid reasons, I never got around to finishing it.

Back in November (or so) I registered for the Cupid Chase 5K.  I actually did this race last year and it was the first one I did after a long time of inactivity.  I know that I don't NEED to sign up for races, but I like the competitive nature and encouraging environment that races provide.  So I try to find about one every other month or so to keep me motivated to train.

I was excited to run a race for the first time in 2018 and to do it on basically flat terrain.  The weather was even fairly cooperative in that it wasn't snowing or raining and it was fairly warm for February.  The week of the race we got notification that they had changed the route slightly because of ice and mud on the course.  It actually made me chuckle a little because the map they provided was a hand sketched drawing that, while it did provide the details it needed to wasn't exactly what I was expecting from a race.

That morning I arrived about 45 minutes before the race started.  I was easily able to find parking (something I sometimes get nervous about - I swear, it is never the run that makes me nervous, always the stupid little things).  I checked in and was disappointed they were out of the shirt I was supposed to get and out of the bags.  Most races they make sure that those that preregistered get them, but I suppose you don't do a race for the swag (usually, anyway).

To get to the starting line you had to trudge through a decent amount of mud.  It was a bit frustrating to be muddy before the race even started (and I honestly thought about backing out) but I was already there so I figured I'd just trudge through it.  And trudging through was an accurate description.  The first part of the course was through either mud or snow.  I started to run but was slipping like crazy so I decided to walk through the muddy sections to avoid potentially falling.  Which meant I didn't run until a little ways into the actual course.  Once I was on the section that was clear I started using my intervals.  Then there was another surprise.  They moved part of the course onto the street, but they didn't have the street closed!  So there were cars, trucks and vans occasionally driving through the field of runners and walkers.  It was a little scary at times (but thankfully wasn't a constant thing).  I've never been at a race where they didn't have the roads closed, or, at the very least, have someone controlling traffic so that there would not be cars amidst the sea of people. 

Regardless, I kept plugging along.  On the way back I had to deal with the same muddy mess, so instead of going through it, I followed a few people who walked in the snow along the fence of PNC park.  Definitely not the right choice in terms of going for a great time/pace, but it kept my shoes a little cleaner and kept me from slipping. 

When I crossed the finish line, I was glad I had completed the race and gotten miles in for the day.  I had a new 5k record on my Garmin (which is always exciting).  Somehow my Garmin and the official race time didn't match, so I'll go with my Garmin.  I do have to say I was frustrated that I had to go all the way back to the Rivertown Club to get my medal.  I suppose we can all use a good cool down walk, but I'm used to them distributing medals right at the finish line. 

Overall, not the best of runs, but not horrible, either, considering the mud/snow/car dodging.  As much as I love running on the north shore (flat running isn't easy to come by in Pittsburgh) and as much as I love getting medals after a run, this is a race I don't think I'll ever do again. 

 

A fresh start

There is a statistic floating around that somewhere around 80% of people have already given up on their New Years resolutions.  Sadly, I was one of those people and was sort of wallowing in disappointment that I had already ruined my initial goal.  Then a wise and encouraging friend reminded me that just because the calendar doesn't say January 1st it doesn't mean you can't make a fresh start.  A year doesn't have to follow a calendar year.

So here we are, January 24th (well, now it is the 25th since I didn't post this yesterday) and I'm starting a new year.  How?  I'm counting today as the fresh start of my original goal to get at least one intentional mile per day.  I initially had this goal because I am a part of a team for "Run the Year". The goal of that team is to run/walk 2018 intentional miles as a team in 2018.  The only way we'll get there is committing to intentional miles daily.  I had honestly done pretty well, but getting sick threw me for a loop.  I basically hadn't moved since Saturday and was frustrated with myself.  Then I saw my friend Carla post about running a mile today and a challenge.  Curious about what her challenge was, I learned that she is joining Vaughn in a challenge/goal to run one mile every day for a year.  I don't think it is coincidence that my Fleet Feet family (who have helped me get/stay on track before) are the ones who are involved in a similar challenge/goal that I had initially set for myself for this year.  They reminded me that there was no reason to throw away my 2018 goal just because I had already screwed it up by January 24th.

So January 24th was the start of a new year for me. A year filled with getting at least one intentional mile a day.  Some days I'll walk, some run. Sometimes with the kids, sometimes with Fleet Feet, sometimes on my own.

To start my new year, I walked yesterday at the Monroeville Mall.  I had the kids in the stroller, so I was pushing around 60 pounds of toddler plus however much the stroller weighs.  But I went for it.  I started my garmin and I looped around the ground floor until my watch buzzed for a mile.  I felt good so I pushed it and went for two.  It felt so good to get in some physical activity when I could have easily veged out instead.

I'm excited for this new challenge and look forward to getting my intentional miles in every day.

Well, it is a start

I definitely knew that basically taking the month of December off would impact my fitness and running abilities.  I just didn't realize it could cause such a significant drop in my pace.

I used my Garmin for an outdoor run for the first time yesterday.  Since it was finally warm enough to spend some time outside, I decided to go for a run when my husband got home from work.  The daylight was weaning, so I knew I couldn't do much.  But I was eager to get out there and pound the pavement while enjoying some fresh (although still a little crisp) air.  Anyone that has been to my neighborhood knows that it really is quite hilly.  And honestly, I haven't done any hill work in a while.  I had thought about totally avoiding the hillier portion of the neighborhood, but that would essentially only be cheating myself.  So I sucked it up and ran/walked through most of the neighborhood in loops.  At one point while going up "the big hill" (it would have been huge to me in Buffalo, but in Pittsburgh probably barely rates as a hill) my pace was over 20:15.  I KNEW I could pick it up.  I didn't want to overdo anything since I hadn't had a real run in a while, but I also knew going that slow wouldn't help me at all in terms of my training.  My goal was to do at least a mile, but once the watch buzzed that I had hit a mile, I knew there was enough daylight and I had enough energy to keep going and hit at least 1.5.    Which I hit about two houses away from home.

My initial thoughts when I hit "done" and saw the workout summary was frustration and disgust.  This was MUCH slower then I had been running in the not so distant past.  I wouldn't dwell there, though.  After all, it was my first run in ages and, more importantly, I was out there doing something.  I could have easily chosen to stay at home on the couch and not be active.  Instead I chose to take some "me" time and run.  1.5 miles of time to reflect and pray.  1.5 miles of relative peace and quite.  1.5 miles of fresh air and a setting sun.  1.5 miles worth of calories burned and steps taken. 

Was it where I was hoping to be?  Absolutely not.  But it is a good place for a fresh start.  I'll take yesterday's run, reflect on what went right and wrong and focus on how I can improve on my next one.  I have A LOT of work to do in order to be able to participate in the Pittsburgh Half Marathon in May, but I know that if I keep moving (even if it is slower than I was hoping) I will reach my running and fitness goals.

 

The little things are important too

For some, fitness is an all or nothing scenario.  Every bite they put in their mouth has to be perfectly planned and healthy.  They have to get a full three or five miles in for a run or it "didn't count."  I applaud anyone that this type of scenario works for, but I am SOOOOOO not that way.  Maybe that is the reason I lose weight slowly and still haven't broken my desired pace of a 45 minute 5k.  But I also know I won't last more than a few days if I try to be so incredibly drastic in all of my food and fitness goals.  I'm much more likely to stick with things if I know that I can occasionally have some of my favorite treats (like ice cream or chicken wings).  It is important, though, to be mindful of those things.  If I choose to make a less then favorable food choice I still log it into MyFitnessPal.  Sometimes I cringe when I see the nutritional content in my daily food log, but it is a good reminder about why I shouldn't make it a regular choice.




I also think it is important to remember that the little things matter and count towards your overall fitness journey as well.  I had to work from 9:45 until 8:00 today.  It is epically crappy outside, so there was no way I was going to wander the streets of downtown Pittsburgh to help achieve my goal of one intentional mile per day.  So do you know what I did?  I started my Garmin in indoor walk mode and wandered the halls of the Benedum Center basement until my watch buzzed that I had reached a mile.  Was it a fast mile?  Nope.  It took almost 18 minutes.  But a mile is a mile.  And it is one mile closer to a healthier me then I would have been if I just sat at my desk playing on my phone.

The other thing that I did today may seem small to many, but it was huge for me.  I'm working on kicking my Diet Pepsi habit.  I've done it before, so I know I can do it again.  I've definitely cut way back, but I often find that it creeps back in.  Today I have been Diet Pepsi free.  I still needed caffeine, though.  And the artificial sweeteners, sugar or other things that we often put in coffee can be just as bad as if I had simply had a Diet Pepsi.  So today I tried something that I honestly had never done before.  It might sound like a simple thing, but I had a coffee with no cream or sugar added.  Just a plain Keurig K Cup of coffee (in my super fun "mom fuel" mug that my Sister in Law Carolyn bought me for Christmas).  I do have to admit it was a flavored pod, so I wasn't drinking straight black coffee, but it was still an improvement from my usual way that I get a hit of caffeine. 
I guess what I'm trying to say in probably a lot more words than are necessary is that small changes are important in our fitness journeys.  Little things can make a big difference in our overall success.  Don't overlook the simple things you can do to help make a difference towards a healthier you.  Take time to recognize and celebrate the small victories that you have along the way.  Because those small victories eventually add up and help you reach and maintain your goals.

Reflecting on the year

I'm sure that most people would agree that their 2017 didn't necessarily go as planned.  This is especially true for me when it comes to my running and fitness goals.  I was perfectly on target until the summer when I had a miscarriage and it threw me for a loop.  I basically shut off for an entire month.  Then in August, I got back on track and kept going because I knew I would be running the EQT Ten Miler in November.  I stayed super focused (and even ran on vacation).  But since then, I've gotten off track.  I've only run about three times since Thanksgiving and I've definitely been making plenty of bad decisions in regards to my food choices.  It hurts to admit that, but I think it is an important admission.


As the year is coming to a close, I have been doing a lot of reflecting on 2017.  I could beat myself up over coming so far but not coming far enough.  I could be mad that some of those pounds I lost came back on.  I could be frustrated that some of the seconds I shaved off of my pace crept back on.  And honestly, I am a little disappointed in myself.  But instead of holding on to that disappointment and looking back with negativity, I'm choosing to be positive and look at how far I've come.


In the beginning of 2017 I was winded after only a few seconds of running.  It took me over an hour to run a 5k.  I can now complete a 5k in around 47 minutes.  It isn't where I had hoped to be at the end of 2017, but I'm still ahead of where I was this time last year.  I've also completed a 10k, a ten miler, a half marathon, two 8ks and several 5ks.  Those are things that 2016 me would never have thought possible or even attempted to try.  I even had a moment when talking about the Turkey Trot when I said "it is only five miles."  Words that definitely would not have come out of my mouth in 2016.  Sure, I have a long way to go, but I'm strong willed and I will get there.  It is just taking me longer then I expected.


Focusing on my fitness and goals related to fitness had other side effects as well.  I've mentioned before that it helped me find myself again and become a more self confident, daring person.  I went zip lining when I was in Las Vegas.  I met friends for indoor rock climbing.  I tried roller skating.  I sang a trio in front of a room full of people.  (most people know I sing, but I'm most comfortable in groups, so singing with four or less people is slightly terrifying to me).  These may seem like simple things, but they are all things I was scared of and wouldn't have tried until fairly recently.  Working on myself in 2017 helped me get to a place where yes, these things were still a bit scary, but I had the confidence to be able and willing to try.  I can't say I wasn't scared of failing or falling, but I knew that if I did, I'd have the confidence to get back up.

These are the things that I love to keep in mind when I get frustrated at letting myself get off track.  I know a lot of us had less then stellar years in 2017 for a wide variety of reasons.  While I think it is important to take a look at our failures and downfalls, it is even more important to find our triumphs and strengths.    Where did you find success in 2017?  What is something that went right?  What are you proud of?  Find something positive from your 2017 and take that feeling into 2018 with you.  You at the end of 2018 will be grateful for taking that positivity into the new year.

A life changing trip to Chick Fil A

Have you ever had a seemingly random decision that ended up totally changing your life?  This is the story of that very thing happening six years ago today. 


Anyone that knows Jason Alcantara and Chris McKee knows that they are entertaining, funny and a little crazy.  Proof of this is that fact that six years ago today, I ended up on a Megabus from Buffalo to Pittsburgh so we could go to Chick Fil A together (even though that never ended up happening...)


It all started when Jason "checked in" to Chick Fil A in Erie on his way back to Pittsburgh a few weeks before.  The three of us bantered back and forth on the post and, before you knew it, I had a round trip Megabus ticket purchased for Veteran's Day because I had the day off from work.  Because it is totally logical to spend eight hours round trip on a bus to spend about three hours somewhere...  But that was the crazy nature of our friendship.


At the time, I was single and using Ave Maria Singles and Catholic Match to hopefully meet Mr. Right.  Anyone who has done online dating (or any type of dating past their 20s) knows there are a lot of duds out there. This is even more the case when you are looking for someone that is a faithful Catholic.  I had been talking with a few people but was most interested in this one guy who I had been talking countless hours with on the phone (when it seemed like only minutes had passed).  He happened to live in Pittsburgh.  However, the purpose of this visit was to spend time with Chris and Jason, not meet a potential love interest, so I didn't make plans to meet this person.  As I was on the bus, curiosity had started to get the better of me and I considered asking him to meet me somewhere.  But still I held off.   After all, he was scheduled to come visit me in Buffalo two weeks later, so there was no reason that we couldn't wait for an in person meeting until then. 


I remember marveling at the Pittsburgh skyline when we rounded a corner on the highway.  You didn't see it at all and then, bam, there was this really unique and pretty view.  When I arrived at the Convention Center and departed the Megabus, Chris McKee picked me up so we could meet Jason at the Dusquene Incline.  Chris claimed he knew Pittsburgh well and could easily get us there.  Except that wasn't the case.  And we kept ending up in front of Heinz Field.  After about the sixth time circumventing Heinz Field (for those not familiar with Pittsburgh, it is on the other side of the River from the Incline) we finally called Jason with a hilarious message to come and rescue us.     So we eventually enjoyed a trip up the Incline, learned about the mechanics of the incline and enjoyed an amazing city view. 


At this point, even though the entire purpose of the trip was to visit Chick Fil A, we decided to have dinner at Station Square instead.  Of course it took us at least a half hour standing around to come to even come to that decision, at which point we still needed to decide which specific restaurant we were going to.  When I realized Station Square was a little shopping area I started thinking, "hmmm, maybe I should call that guy and see if he wants to meet tonight."  I hate to say it, but even though we had an amazing connection on the phone, I still wondered and worried that he would be a total dud and I'd be stuck with someone I didn't want to spend time with for a whole weekend.    So I called the guy (my Chris) and asked where he was and if he was interested in meeting up that evening.  In my head, we could walk around and talk for about five to ten minutes, I'd send him on his way and I would get back to dinner with my friends.  My friends insisted that it was OK that I brought this person in, but I insisted I didn't need to.  Chris agreed to meet me there.  Little did I know that even though he said he was on the South Side (near where we were) he was actually almost home in Monroeville. 


I was a bit nervous about meeting Chris in person, but at the same time felt some sense of ease because we had gotten along so well.  When we finally met in person in the shops area of Station Square I was pleasantly surprised.  Upon first glance he was actually more attractive in person then he was in his profile picture.  When does that ever happen?!  Then we greeted each other with a hug.  I literally had this electric charge type feeling run through my body.  It was crazy (in a good way).  We started to walk a little and chat and within five minutes I decided to ask him to join my friends and I for dinner.  He got along very well with both of them and the conversation flowed freely.  There were also plenty of laughs along the way. 


It was a fairly warm evening, so we walked around outside Station Square for a bit taking in views of the skyline and the fountain show.  Chris put his arm around me and once again I had that electric feeling happen.  At one point, McKee (who was working at a Sheraton Hotel at the time) decided to check out the one that is at Station Square.  That left Chris and I alone for a few minutes.  When we were above the Gateway Clipper boat docks, he leaned in to give me a kiss.  I had never kissed on a first date, but somehow that time it was totally appropriate.  And, in my heart, I totally knew it was the last first kiss I'd ever have.  I later found out that he felt the exact same way.  I was cherishing every single minute of our time together and suddenly regretting the fact that I needed to get on the bus soon.  As luck would have it, McKee decided he wanted to go to Buffalo for the weekend, so I was able to stay longer.  At one point, we were discussing what we should be doing at 11:00 on 11/11.  The funny thing was that what we were doing at that magical moment was discussing what we should be doing.  It was so perfect for the crazy nature of that entire visit to Pittsburgh.


It was really hard to say goodbye to Chris that evening and it felt like it would be an agonizingly long two weeks before I would see him again.  But we parted with another kiss and a promise that we would see each other soon. 


During the four hour drive home, McKee and I had an honest conversation about our feelings for the first time ever.  We had been pretty inseparable and often joked that we shared a brain.  Honestly, we acted more like a couple then a lot of couples do, but neither of us were willing to have that awkward conversation.  But that night we finally did.  He wasn't sure what he wanted out of life, where he wanted to go career wise and was definitely still thinking about the seminary.  He had never had a girlfriend and wasn't sure if and when he'd be ready for that step in his life.  I was so grateful that the two of us finally had that important and candid conversation, because it left me even more willing to free up my heart and give it totally to Chris.  Even with the serious conversation topic, we still shared lots of laughs (including silly things like laughing over town names like Zelinople).  We even made it to Chick Fil A!  Sort of...  In Erie we pulled into the parking lot and drove through the drive through lane to be able to say we actually did go to Chick Fil A that trip.  We also stopped at the adoration chapel at Fr. Larry Richard's church where I was able to praise God for such a wonderful evening and for an answer to my prayers for clarity.  (I had just finished a Novena to St. Jude where my request was for clarity in my marriage vocation).  I think we got back to Buffalo around three in the morning.  The craziest thing about that is that my choir was being filmed that morning at 8 a.m. for a national television appearance. 


At some point during my drive home, Chris called me and left the sweetest voice mail ever about how grateful he was to have met me that evening and how hard it would be to wait two more weeks to see me.  And I was so excited about our meeting that I kept looking back to the picture posted above because it all seemed so surreal.  That picture was proof the perfect evening had actually happened.


People always say "when you know, you know." but I thought it was just a bunch of hogwash.  But after meeting Chris that night, I totally understood why they say it.  There were several relationships before that one, but none of them gave me the feeling that I experienced that first time meeting Chris in person.   I think my friends were sick of me talking about the amazing adventure that I had that night, but I just couldn't help it, I was excited and wanted everyone to know.  (I seriously felt like that scene in Elf where Buddy says "I'm in Love!  I'm in love and I don't care who knows it!")  We were engaged about six months after we met and married a year and a half after meeting.  Some people think it was really fast, but when you meet someone in your 30s, you can tell pretty quickly if it is the kind of relationship you want to build towards marriage or not. 


Today is six years since that crazy night and I still remember the details as if it was yesterday.  The crazy thing is that I sometimes can't remember what I had for lunch today, but I can vividly recall the outfits we were both wearing, the things we talked about, where we were when he put his arm around me, where we were when we kissed.  And so many more tiny details.  Especially the way that his touch gave me that electric feeling.  Because even today, six years later, it still does.  With the grind of every day life (especially with two two year olds) we often don't have time for date nights or to do the loving things that we did for each other during our dating and engagement period, but when Chris rubs my head or I lay in "my perfect spot" I still feel like the giddy teenage girl that I felt like that first night we met.


I'm sure that if I had met Chris two weeks later in Buffalo we still would have had a magical weekend together, but I'll forever be grateful that Jason and McKee made me come to Pittsburgh two weeks earlier because it certainly makes for a much more entertaining story.


I love you, Chris, and I'm looking forward to countless more years with you filled with crazy adventures like the night we first met.